


A Cheap Knockoff (prologue)

by kink_tomato



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Genre: Armageddon? Armageddon’t!, CLAMP, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Humor, M/M, Parody, comments will be rewarded with cupcakes (for the author)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 07:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19848382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kink_tomato/pseuds/kink_tomato
Summary: Good Omens but starring the cast of X, because it’s 2002 and come on, how many end times narratives withtwoantichrists to mix up can there be?





	A Cheap Knockoff (prologue)

**PROLOGUE**

IN THE BEGINNING

It was a nice day.

Or it would have been a nice day, had there yet existed a basis for comparison. In hindsight, one would certainly have considered all of the days thus far (and they were coming up on the the second full week[1]) nice days. But the way clouds were converging and the daylight was taking on a murky quality suggested the first storm was about to be invented.

The angel of the eastern gate was a slight figure of appropriate winsomeness. He turned his rapturous face up to the sky to behold this new miracle, but quickly thought better of it when one of the first raindrops landed in one of his guileless eyes, prompting a less than demure recoil.

“Pardon?” He said politely as he swiped at his eye, lifting his wings into a feathered canopy to better preserve his dignity.

“I said,” said the serpent, “it all seems a bit overkill for something so predictable.”

“Predictable?” Said the angel, whose name was Subaru.

“If you’re going to go and put your forbidden fruit tree right in the middle of the garden, front and center, with nothing but a big Do Not Touch sign for protection, what do you _think_ is going to happen? It’s blatant reverse psychology.”

“Well...it was a test,” said Subaru, trying to sound virtuous but succeeding at sounding a bit nervous.

The serpent snorted and gave Subaru a sideways look. “A test of what? Moral fortitude? _Before_ knowing the difference between good and evil? Sounds a bit paradoxical if you ask me. If the almighty _really_ wanted to keep that tree from being touched, why not put it on top of a mountain or in the middle of a desert. Or at the very least, behind a fence. I don’t see as a little knowledge is such a bad thing anyway,” said the serpent, who was called Snakey McSnakeface but not, he suspected, as a compliment. He was thinking of changing it.

“But it must _be_ bad, or you wouldn’t have been involved in it,” Subaru said, radiating such earnestness the serpent’s teeth ached. “Is it...possible for demons to do good?” He added, with an uncertainty bridging on hope.

“I shouldn’t think so, it’s just nature. Wickedness and all that,” said Snakey, but his sarcasm didn’t seem to register in the angel’s sincere expression. An awkward silence stretched between them. “Didn’t you have a flaming sword?” Snakey asked eventually.

“Um-“ the angel looked suddenly furtive, a guilty flush sullying his pristine countenance. He was cuter when he was flustered, Snakey decided, amused.

“You did. It was very aesthetic, a graceful little thing like you with a dramatic weapon like that. A pretty tableau but not very practical.”

“Er-“

“I mean I can’t imagine you using it for much more than posing. Have you ever _used_ a sword before? Did you set it down somewhere because you didn’t know what to do with it?”

“Um, not exact-“

“Lost it already? Set it down and forgot about it while you were enraptured by the miracle of _bees_ or something?”

“I gave it away,” the angel blurted, wringing his hands in the perfect drape of his robe and casting his gaze about nervously.

The serpent stared. “You _what_?” He said, uncertain whether he was impressed by this potentially subversive action on the part of this bastion of purity.

“Well I _had_ to. They just looked so helpless, setting out on their own without any protection, and with the storm brewing and wild animals and everything...and soon they’ll have a baby to think of! I had to do _something_ to help them.” The angel offered the serpent a wan smile. “It was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?”

“I’m not sure it’s _possible_ for you to do wrong,” Snakey said, and again the disingenuousness of his tone sailed over the angel’s head.

“I’m so relieved,” he said, clasping his hands together. “The truth is, I’ve been worrying about it. But it must be right to be kind.”

They were silent for a while, watching the rain become a downpour around them, tearing leaves from trees and petals from flowers in the perfect garden.

“The thing is,” said Snakey, raising his voice against an explosion of thunder, “I’ve been wondering something similar. About this so-called curse of knowledge and all that.”

“What’s that?” Subaru craned his head, leaning in as he tried to listen.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if we had it backwards? If I did the right thing and you did the wrong?”

“I can’t hear you! The wind-!”

Snakey McSnakeface just smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 It has been suggested that God invented the “year” on account of being fed up with the tedium of weekiversaries. It being hard to maintain any level of enthusiasm for a celebration that comes around as frequently as seven days. Many religions employing a weekly schedule make their services deadly dull for much the same reason: when the big party dates come around, they want you to feel you’ve really earned it.


End file.
